The Reason
by DanceDanceKakashi
Summary: Kakashi leaves Iruka but returns hoping he will be forgiven. Hoping he will be able to forgive himself and move on from the past. [Songfic][One-Shot][KakaIru]


One-shot. Songfic. Just a little sidetrack since I have writer's block for my other fic and various commitments. [Writing sucks! Heheh... such a love hate relationship.]  
  
_** I'm not a perfect person  
As many things I wish I didn't do   
But I continue learning  
  
**_ There it was, as it always was: a symbol of the town's bravest. I thought to myself that if I were to visit enough, it would atone for my sins but it's only a trick I've played on myself, allowing me to blame the ignorance of my youth to cover up my stupidity. I closed my eyes, letting the sun warm my face, creating a world of orange that danced behind my eyelids. It wasn't fair; it never seemed to rain in Konoha, never reflecting how I felt inside. But then again, perhaps it was the bright and sunny skies that reflected the spirit of Konoha itself, warm, enveloping, and protecting.  
  
I scanned the memorial in front of me reading each name until I reached the one I'm here for, Obito. Every time it was the same, I relived the past I had lived and cannot forgive myself to move on and every time I felt it, a dull pain like a dagger through my heart. Through the years, nothing has changed. Their deaths hang over me, a burden I carried with which no release could come, perhaps not ever after death, or so I had thought.  
  
"Don't you think they've forgiven you?" Iruka asked suddenly appearing by my side. He neither introduced himself properly nor addressed the person he has spoken to.  
  
"And you are...." I asked, fully aware that he knew I knew who he was.  
  
"Strangers, are we?" He asked, with a shake of his head he continued, "Do you think they hold a grudge against you, even now?"  
  
It was strange coming from a person whom I thought barely knew me. "I don't need to answer you. You know nothing about me."  
  
"Kakashi..."  
  
_** I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go   
That I just want you to know  
  
**_ The pain in his eyes was so unbearable that I couldn't stand to look at him. I didn't know what to do. All I had ever known was how to push people away. His presence made me feel uncomfortable. I had never needed anyone but it's hard to admit to oneself what one really needs.  
  
"Please. Just forget about me." I picked up my belongings and walked away but I stopped when I felt his arms wrap around me, holding me tight, his forehead pressed against my back. I felt my will deteriorating but I knew he wouldn't hold me back against my will. That's how he's always been, supportive and trusting. I didn't deserve it. I hold onto his hands tightly, enjoying our last embrace briefly before I remove his arms. I couldn't turn around, I couldn't face him yet so I looked away and continued to walk, "It's better this way." I wasn't the person he needed.  
  
"Kakashi! Please... stay..." Iruka's ragged voice rang in my ears. He had been crying.  
  
_** I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be   
A reason to start over new   
And the reason is you  
  
**_ I smile to myself, this time the weather is perfect. It's raining and I had always liked the rain. What was it they say? Misery loves company and that's just how I feel when it rains. I walk up to the memorial, slowly and almost painfully as I remember the last time I was here. Iruka... Would he ever forgive me?  
  
Sounds of puddles splash with each step as someone approaches me.  
  
"Kakashi..."  
  
"I'm so sorry..." My vision went blurry, whether from the rain or something else I don't know.  
  
"It's ok." He whispers softly before continuing on his way.  
  
I watched as he disappeared into the mist, his back slowly fading from my vision, the sounds of his footsteps echoing in the distance. My body is incapable of moving even though my heart is telling me to hold him and never let him go. I reach out to him with one arm but no words come out of my mouth.  
  
_** I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday  
And all the pain I put you through**_   
  
"Iruka!" I manage to yell. He stops; it's the first time he's heard me call out his name.  
  
The rain stops and the sun comes out. You stand there silently, scared to move. I know you're wary of my intentions since I left you and decided to never look back but that was my mistake. I smirk at my admission, another mistake I can add to my list of stupid things I've done.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." That's the only thing I can say. I want to explain myself, explain how I couldn't stay because I wanted to protect him but I don't expect him to understand. I never expect anyone to understand.  
  
_** I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear  
  
**_ "Please! Don't walk away..." I feel somewhat ashamed. How is it possible for me to say the same thing he said to me and not expect him to do as I did? What if he walks away just like I had?  
  
I promise you Iruka, to be there for you.  
  
_** I found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
  
**_ I stare at his back, his clothes wet from the rain and his ponytail hanging low with the weight of the water. He doesn't move so I can see his shoulders rise up and down slowly, taking in deep breaths at a time.  
  
"Iruka!" I scream as he suddenly makes a break for it and disappears into the woods. I run after him, regardless of the outcome, I need him to know. I need him to know he was the sun the chased away the stormy clouds, corny as it sounds it's the truth. If it had not been for him, I would have veered down a path of self-destruction, letting my guilt eat away at me from the inside out. He took the weight off my shoulders and I blamed him for it. I thought that I need the guilt, that I needed to be reminded of my past so I wouldn't make the same mistake again. _**  
  
And the reason is you  
  
**_ I stop when you drop down from the trees above and stand in front of me. You take me by surprise when you punch me in the face, leaving me stunned and silent. Now that was something I did not anticipate.  
  
"Kakashi!" You scream as you grip onto my shoulders, letting your tears flow freely before embracing me.  
  
"Iruka..." I whisper, I bring my arms up hesitantly and wrap them around him afraid I was dreaming._**  
  
And the reason is you  
  
**_"Why... I thought you would never return." He buries his face in the crook of my neck, allowing me to press my cheek against the top of his head._**  
  
And the reason is you  
  
**_I'm a fond believer that actions speak louder than words. I bring my hand up and slowly stroke his head, repeatedly.  
  
"Hnn?" Iruka raises his head, confused at the sudden gesture.  
  
"It was something my mother did to me as a child to comfort me."  
  
"Your mother?" He brings his head back down and squeezes me tighter._**  
  
And the reason is you  
  
**_I lift his head off my shoulder and bring his face inches from mine. There is no hurt left in his eyes, only happiness and forgiveness. I think to myself, what did I do to deserve him?_**  
  
I've found a reason to show   
A side of me you didn't know**_  
  
I let go with one hand and bring it to my headband lifting it off my head, revealing my sharingan to him for the first time. He lets out a small gasp as he brings his hand up to touch the scar there lightly.  
  
"Does it hurt?" He asks with all innocence. How can it hurt? It's been a part of me for as long as I can remember.  
  
Never taking my eyes off him and never taking my other hand off his face, I use my free hand to slip my mask off.  
  
He stares at me not batting an eye and places both of his hands on my face, "You're beautiful."  
  
"I don't deserve you." I turn my head sideways, how hard it is to be with him. He was too good for me.  
  
"Shouldn't I be the one to decide that?" He turns my face around and closes his eyes, leaning in. I close my eyes and feel his lips on mine, warm and soft. He's broken through this shell of mine._**  
  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you.  
  
**_   
  
Hmm... ok, it makes sense in MY head... so I hope it makes sense to you guys... --; Criticism? Reviews? Please? Never did a songfic and well, not too good at descriptions sometimes... Pointers?  
  
HAHA. So short... --; 


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